You hear it all the time- mothers expressing that they don’t know who they are anymore after having children- and it makes total sense to feel this way. However, remember that it doesn’t have to be this way forever.

Here are a few suggestions to help you find yourself after becoming a mother:

Change Your Thinking

The way we think impacts how we feel, that’s why it is key to keep in mind that raising children does not mean our life has come to an end; rather your life has changed- and that’s okay!

It’s easy to slip into the mindset that children will prevent you from living life to your fullest, that you won’t be as social as you once were, traveling will be harder, or that you don’t have time for self care anymore; however, don’t lose sight of what you are gaining.

Children will bring joy into your life, you’ll get to see them reach important milestones, grow into kind adults- all of which will give you a fulfillment you will get otherwise.  

Finding Peace In Prayer

It’s beautiful how a time of chaos (i.e amidst kids crying and throwing tantrums) can be combated by a few moments of peace through prayer! When you’re stressed, praying will give you that break your mind and body so desire.

No longer will your mind be stressed, instead it will be focused on Allah subhanu wa taala and you will find yourself doing back to finding the true meaning of this life- pleasing Allah.

How wonderful is it that, during five times a day, your mind and soul is in a state of peace and content via prayer?

Do What You LOVE

You may feel tired and exhausted as a mother, but don’t forget to go back to the things you once loved to do, even if it’s just for half an hour a day or once a week.

If you love reading, treat yourself to a new book; if you love to just be with friends, then schedule a coffee date with them whenever you can. It really is the simple things that will allow you to feel like your old self again!

Find Alternatives

Often times, we may want to do something, but then think, “wait a minute, how can I do this as a mother with children?” The solution is to find alternatives!

For example, if you love to travel, then know that you still can, but it would be best to look for child friendly resorts that can accommodate your children’s needs. If you are missing going to events, then look for events that have on-site babysitting options available. If you feel lonely and want to interact with more adults, but find it difficult to go anywhere with your children, then you may want to consider going to places like an indoor playground, that will keep your children busy while you chat with the other mom’s.

Do Things Together

More so than not, mothers may feel that they are not meeting their personal goals, compared to as they once were prior to having children. But what about achieving your personal goals with your family? This a great way to not only get things done, but to also feel good about yourself.

For instance, if your goal is to workout and eat healthy, then put on a fitness DVD and exercise with your children at home- I have tried this and it’s an excellent way to spend time with your children, plus they are burning off their energy and you are burning calories 😉 Also, get your children involved in cooking healthy foods, like whole wheat pizza where they get to select their own toppings!

I pray that these tips will be of some use for mothers who are struggling to find themselves after having children! I personally know of the struggles we face as parents, but taking note of the blessings that come with parenthood- that is a huge blessing in itself!

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. 🙂

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Sumaira Zaheer holds a degree in Strategic Organization from the University of Alberta, and is  the blessed mother of three active children and a blogger at where she blogs about her personal experiences, gives tips and advice on womanhood, pregnancy, parenthood, and family life. Sumaira is also a writer for Productive Muslim and has written for several other online publications. You can find Sumaira on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter where she tries to connect with other Muslimah’s from around the world!



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16 replies on “Finding YOURSELF as a Mother”

    February 21, 2016 at 6:51 pm

    mashallah well written!

  • February 25, 2016 at 2:13 pm

    MashAllah great points and ideas! JazakAllah khair! All moms would benefit from this article.

    Jassie S
    April 11, 2016 at 8:34 am

    Itz a beautiful article and I can relate to this very well. I’m still struggling with exhaustion and inability to cope with deadlines and goals I try to set for myself. My baby girl is 1.5 years old and she is very much clingy. I feel really guilty for not being able to pray 5 times because of my health and my baby”s separation anxiety as well. Do you have any tips for me?

    mymoena Williams
    May 9, 2016 at 3:25 am

    I am a mother of 7 children Alghamdoelialh. The last two are twin both identical and diagnosed as down syndrome, very rare are twins in down syndrome Algamdoelilah I have the only twins inSouth Africa according Red Cross Hospital,should you know of any other or even muslims with down syndrome children InshaAllah. I am in very challaenges journey but have loads of spiritual experienced gained. Would like to know about children like these in Islam Inshallah

    madiha shahzad
    May 13, 2016 at 5:42 am

    its great,plz also guide us how to feed growing childern in a proper way

    May 13, 2016 at 6:07 am

    Great article

    May 13, 2016 at 6:48 am

    As Salamu alaykum

    Ma shaa Allah, loved the part regarding prayers, so true, now one is running for them and even the kids understand that is the time to leave momy alone.
    The only thing im missing is reading – in peace. I can read like this and listening to masha and the bear, twinkle twinkle, running up and down and around the house, the furniture, screaming and crying out of anger and then just continuing laughing etc. Its possible, but its one page in 30 min. And likeoneeye on the book the other after them.
    Night is the best time, but mostly i find myself falling asleep within sec. Wish i could do something about that. ?

    May 13, 2016 at 7:43 am

    Alhamdullila I am a proud mother of three boys. I can’t denied the fact that motherhood has help me to appreciate my mum efforts and adore her more than anything In This world. Been married to a very busy man is never easy but Alhamdullila with the kids around I don’t miss my husband much. For instance this morning we have already read souratul Kahf together before they went to school. I love the busy life of being a mum. Is a blessing, a blessing that one can’t afford with money Yaa Allah Alhamdullila for this privilege of making me a mum. Yaa Rahman bless my mum with long life keep her strong and healthy and the gone souls please have mercy on their souls and admit them into your garden of eternal bliss. Aameen!!!

    Fma Fauziah
    May 13, 2016 at 10:39 am

    SUBHANALLAH.. ALHAMDULILLAH..A great article. Thank you for sharing Sis.. Inspired me to do the best for me and my 5 kids too. ??????

    maryam issa
    May 13, 2016 at 12:39 pm

    Masha Allah great article for mothers. Children are a blessing from Allah Subhana wata’ala and they give us lots of joy just seeing them grow into righteous adults in shaa Allah.

    May 13, 2016 at 1:44 pm

    Im worried more how to raise my children as good and loyal muslims in this dunia than worring bout my sparetime actually I hoped to read some advice about learning them to love Islam more than computer games etc.

    May 13, 2016 at 2:32 pm


    May 13, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    Really good article

    Yazmeen NZ
    May 14, 2016 at 9:40 am

    Masha Allah and JazakAllah Khair for sharing

    Ina Abd Rahman
    May 14, 2016 at 10:08 am

    Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah as a mother of three boys….am glad and blessed…and never felt guilty eventhough I quit my job just to give a full attentioned to the family….All because for the sake of blessing and barrakah from Allah SWT…

    May 17, 2016 at 4:41 pm

    very helpful article. Alhamdulillah for giving us mothers these gud tips to help us find ourselves☺ Jazak Allah Khair