How should Muslims discipline their children for a good Islamic upbringing?

We have to have a systematic method of disciplining our children. It has to be systematic. On one hand we say it is the right of the children that they be disciplined properly. On one hand we should avoid hitting as much as possible. Infact some scholars say that children shouldn't even be hit until they are at the age of ten. Because Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) mentioned in the same hadeeth as I mentioned earlier that you teach your children salah when they are at the age of seven and spank them for it when they are ten. Salah is the most important thing and if we are not allowed to spank them for the most important thing until they are ten, then for lesser things of lesser importance, surely we shouldn't spank them until they are ten. This is Ijtihad - a reasoning. Parents practically speaking raising kids often find, even those parents who raise good and righteous kids, you may have to hit them before they are ten. But the point is that, it should be done properly, as a last resort not as the first resort, not when you are angry, you know, so the child learns, avoid mom or dad when they are angry. They didn't learn to do this, they learnt just avoid them when you see red in their eyes, they know, be good. 'No'. You should be consistent in how you deal with them.

And on one hand we apply discipline where necessary and on the other hand we have to use what is called positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement meaning, reward them for it, let them feel that there is good in being good. And part of being able to discipline them systematically is knowing the characteristics of children in the early years. People have studied this. Children at the age of two, they become rebellious, they call it the terrible twos, well known. At three, they love to play a lot. At four they ask many questions and they want answers. At five they love to imitate and copy. At six they like to stand and be noticed and so on and so forth. You know, at different ages you find different characteristics appearing. So if you are aware of them you can deal with them in the appropriate manner. You can understand that this is natural for children to develop these characteristics at these times. So therefore you work with them. You don't just wonder, 'where did this come from?' Satan has you, lets exercise him, get some sticks and beat them 'no,no'. This is natural developments . All children go through these. I know myself that a lot of people come to me with these issues, I think a jinn has got my kid, 'no' 'no' that’s not a jinn, that’s your kid. Your child is going through his natural stages. We should learn it. We should know about children. How can you raise kids if you don’t really know how they are, how they develop. So it is important to have this kind of knowledge in order to be able to discipline them effectively.