I married at the age of 19 and alhamdulillah I have been married for over 15 years now. I would have to say that I am at the happiest point in my marriage now, but I think that my marriage could have been happier if I had learned to be more aware of my feelings and if I actually knew the immense importance of maintaining my inner peace.
Before I got married, most of my life focused on fulfilling my Islamic duties and my academic responsibilities, on doing my prayers and other Islamic activities, and on doing well in school. I was a great student, alhamdulillah, and when I got married I was attending college on a full scholarship, studying various social sciences and liberal arts. My family had always prioritized academics, and I did not learn that much about the practical aspects of being a wife, such as household affairs. As someone who likes to think and write, I also did not have a genuine interest in practical household duties.
I married my husband while we were both in college, and alhamdulillah he is a wonderful human being and a practicing Muslim, and we were compatible in many areas. However, my husband struggled a lot with my lack of basic housekeeping skills. In the beginning of our marriage, his frustration with this housekeeping issue began to show up in the way he would speak to me, and this caused me to have many negative feelings. I felt hurt and unappreciated. It was also a big blow to my ego. I had always been someone who tried to excel and please others, but I just had such a hard time with these housekeeping issues.
Because of my negative feelings that I felt from my husband’s frustration with my weaknesses, I actually blocked myself from growing in the housekeeping area. I allowed my negative feelings to block my progress and block the entry of solutions to this issue. Instead of resolving to manage my emotions and do the best I could, I felt hopeless and for many years my marriage was not as happy as it could have been.
If I could speak to my younger self, I would tell her to please understand the importance of feeling inner peace. Please understand the importance of being aware of my negative emotions so that I can do something to feel better and calmer, such as sharing my feelings and thoughts. I would tell myself that negative emotions that are left unrecognized and undealt with will just slow down your progress in life.
In my opinion, learning to maintain your inner peace and strength is the second most important factor for being a successful Muslim. The first most important factor for being a successful Muslim is to have a positive relationship with Allah.
Negative emotions are a warning for you to try to do something positive to cope and feel better. Talking to a caring person, going for a walk, and drinking a hot cup of tea are examples of coping activities. If we do not recognize our negative emotions and try to return to a state of inner calm and peace, then these negative emotions block our growth and learning in life.
Dr. Daniel Goleman wrote a famous book titled Emotional Intelligence. In his book , he shared a story that most people can relate to. He talks about how he had extreme anxiety about a math exam when he was a student. Due to his extreme anxiety, he could not answer one question on the exam, even though he did know a good amount of material for the exam. So simply because he could not calm his emotions, he could not even answer 1 question on the exam.
So how can we maintain inner peace?
Okay, so what are some ideas for how we can maintain our inner peace and strength when we are going through negative emotions?
- Remember Allah:
First, remember Allah. Actually, use your self awareness, your awareness of your negative emotions as a reason to turn to Allah, to talk to Him, and to make duaa. Ask Him for help. Use your problems as a way to turn to Allah. Whenever you have any type of problem, talk to Allah about it. This will actually bring you closer to Allah because you are remembering Him and He likes it when we call on Him and ask Him for things.
“Call upon your Lord in humility and privately; indeed, He does not like transgressors. And cause not corruption upon the earth after its reformation. And invoke Him in fear and aspiration. Indeed, the mercy of Allah is near to the doers of good.” (Al-A’raf 7:55-56)
So, this requires you to start paying attention to your inner world, to your feelings. You must start to become aware of your feelings.
2. Keep your goal in mind:
Keep the goal in mind: inner peace and strength. Now, as Muslims our first goal is to please Allah, but when you can maintain inner peace, you are in a better position to please Allah.
3. Be Patient:
Remember to be patient. Remind yourself of the verse in the Glorious Quran, where Allah says:
“And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah].” (Al Baqarah 2:45)
Also, be patient with your learning process and growth process. Maintaining inner peace is a lifelong journey and it takes time to grow in your wisdom about how to calm your emotions.
Also remember the hadith:
The Prophet Muhammad said: “How excellent the affairs of the believer: his affair, all of it, is good for him; and this is not the case with anyone except the believer; if prosperity comes to him, he is thankful (to God), and if adversity falls on him, he perseveres patiently: so it is all good (for him). 1
It’s all good for believer! Really believe this. Alhamdulillah, taking more care of my inner peace has improved my marriage and life. I hope that this post has helped you to be more aware of your inner peace.
Why do you think it is important to maintain your inner peace?
- Muslim ↩
24 replies on “A Personal Story About The Need to Maintain Inner Peace”
Really loved the post.very inspiring.
Thank you, Raehana 🙂
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JazaKAllah khair … I can totally relate to this article. Being a newly married girl i went through the housekeeping issues. But Alhamdulillah every situation was a chance for me to improve and understand my partner more. We have to alwayd remember that Allah will help us when we turn to him sincerely!
JazakAllah khair for your positive comment, Sana! Yes, Allah will help us when we turn to Him sincerely!
Your parents should have understood the fact that they are marrying their teenage girl who is just a college student and your husband should have understood the fact that a college girl is not going to prove herself as a perfect housekeeper immediately.
I understand your points, but actually it was totally my choice to get married (my family actually preferred that I wait to finish college) and my husband was understanding in many ways. 🙂
Getting married keeps you away from evil. It completes half your deen. Its best to get married when you find someone rather than have a haram friend. And along the way you learn to be a good wife. If ur not a wife how can you learn to be one? Every man is different like different foods different routine.
Thank you for your wise comment, Shabana 🙂
Masha’Allah, this is very useful post, Jazakkallah Khayr. Inner Peace is very important thing specially in these days where Fitn is everywhere in the Muslim world. May Allah help us to stick our Deen In Sha Allah.
Wa iyaa kum, Abdifatah. I totally agree with you. Ameen to your beautiful dua.
Very well written and explained beautifully by giving islamic quotes. I have been searching for articles for inner peace, positivity,and gratitude with Islamic examples and explanations. Your article is exactly what I was looking out for. Ja zakallah khair for sharing.
Wa iyaa kum Sabina and JazakAllah for your encouraging comment!
I faced the exact same problem.I was in the last year of med school when I got married.You are very lucky to have a supporting husband.(Mashallah) Unfortunately I wasnt so lucky.My mother-in-law made life hell for me.My husband never stood up for me.They kicked me out of the house twice for not being a pro at housekeeping.But Allah by his utmost mercy saved my marriage from collapsing.Patience and faith in Allah helped me through those dark days.My MIL passed away this year.May Allah have mercy on her soul.Ameen
Thank you for sharing your honest experience, Anonymous. I am sorry that you went through such a hard time and I’m also happy that you lived through it through patience and faith in Allah (swt). May Allah (swt) bless you for being steadfast. Ameen.
Yeah sister exactly…. You are absolutely right. We can overcome negativity only with the help of ALLAH by trusting him, by talking him, by patience, by prayer….all ways are linked with HIM. ❤
Jazakillah sis… ❤
ALLAH Bless us allll…aameeeen
Wa iyaa kum Sis. Fatima. JazakAllah for your kind words. Ameen 🙂
this article applies in all aspects of life and not just marriage. very thought provoking but we all need to find that inner peace to combat the stressful environment we live in. jazak Allah khairun sister.
Wa iyaa kum Sis. Mariam. JazakAllah for your positive words. 🙂
Mash Allah very insightful article, thanks for sharing your story and how you enabled to rectify your negative emotions and acquiring techniques to cope emotional distresses.
Thank you Jama Ali Adde for your encouraging words.
How to maintain inner peace of mind when a husband is desperate to get a second wife whereas he’s a world for his wife and vice versa. Both love each other equally. He says he can’t see her hurt but constantly reminds her of his desire to get remarried. The wife is a revert, doesn’t have a family to look up-to except her husband she has no-one. Indeed polygamy is allowed in Islam but she’s not able to cope up and all She does is constantly prays to Allah subhanahu Wa ta’ala to help her. She is helpless.
May Allah choose her the best. Let her keep praying To Allah, indeed Hé knows best what is best for her.
Jazakumullahu khayran for this inspiring article and thank you for those good comments. Really appreciate it.